Transformers

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"You have helicopters which turn into robots; you have robots which turn into cars - sadly what you don't have is Michael Bay turning into a director who can direct" - Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live

Not to be confused with the animated Transformers: The Movie, this was the first of the Bayified live-action Transformers films which have had such head-bangingly painful effects on Mark. In this one, the Transformers arrive, turn into the 2097 suite of General Motors vehicles, perform a "comedy" anthropomorphic urination routine, and then utterly devastate a major American city. Sleepy leBeef and Megan Fox - who is meant to be 17 but "looks like a 32-year-old pole-dancing stripper on her night off" - then have sex on one of them.

At the time, in 2007, Mark said that "it has to stop; somebody has to stop it happening." The film has so far spawned four sequels with two more in development.

For all that, when Mark went to see it with his son (who was somewhat more persuasive than his daughter, who Mark wouldn't go with to see Bratz), his offspring turned to him and said - loud enough for everyone in the cinema to hear - "daddy, this isn't rubbish at all."

Seth Rogan - in with Judd Apatapatow to talk about Knocked Up - reviewed Transformers with Andrew Collins during the Box Office Top 10 and said that if the film had contained no dialogue, it would have been the best film ever made. As it was, despite the special effects bits where he had felt "more blown away than you've ever been in your life," the rest of it made him want to kill himself.

In contrast, a Transformers comic (based on the original toy, rather than the Bay reworkings) called More Than Meets The Eye makes several references to Wittertainment, including And we're back and LTLFTE.