Transformers

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"You have helicopters which turn into robots; you have robots which turn into cars - sadly what you don't have is Michael Bay turning into a director who can direct" - Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live

The first of the Transformers films which have had head-bangingly painful effects on Mark. In this one, the Transformers arrive, turn into a selection of General Motors vehicles, perform a selection of anthropomorphic urination gags and utterly devastate a major American city. Sleepy leBeef and Megan Fox - who is meant to be 17 but "looks like a 32-year-old pole-dancing stripper on her night off" - then have sex on one of them.

At the time, in 2007, Mark said that "it has to stop; somebody has to stop it happening." The film has so far spawned three sequels with two more in development.

For all that, when Mark went to see it with his son (who was somewhat more persuasive than his daughter, who Mark wouldn't go with to see Bratz), his offspring turned to him and said - loud enough for everyone in the cinema to hear - "daddy, this isn't rubbish at all."